


Souvenirs

by WinterCap221b



Category: Marvel
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Feels, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Scars, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterCap221b/pseuds/WinterCap221b
Summary: After Bucky finally remembered his past and his love to Natasha, they decide to go on a date together. However, there still are things Natasha kept from him.





	1. Chapter 1

“So, you and Nat, hu?”  
“Yes.”  
“I didn’t know you had met before.”  
“Neither did I. Well, not until very recently when it suddenly all came back. And I feel so bad for ever forgetting about her. She’s the love of my life and I … I didn’t remember her. Shouldn’t I have felt something when I saw her again?”  
“Bucky…,” Steve tried to calm him. “Hydra was very thorough when they turned you. They made you forget about me, and we’ve been friends ever since we were kids! You really shouldn’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault.”  
“I know, it’s just … I wish I’d remembered her sooner.”  
“Better late than never. I’m just surprised she never mentioned you.”  
“She said she didn’t want to make things awkward between us. But to be honest, it still kind of is. I mean, I love her. I really do. And I want to be with her but … I can’t just pretend that nothing happened. I’m not the man I was when we were together. I’ve done some horrible things since, and she deserves so much better. What if I’m not good enough for her?”  
“The fact alone that you’re worried about her proves that you are good enough. Go talk to her about it. She has changed too. She’s not the young girl from the Red Room anymore but that doesn’t mean that the two of you aren’t perfect for each other.”  
“Thanks, man.”  
“No problem.”  
At this very moment Natasha entered the kitchen, hesitating for a second when she saw them. “Oh, um, hi.”   
“I’ll let the two of you alone,” Steve said quickly, leaving the room before they could say anything.  
When he had closed the door, Bucky desperately looked for something to say but his brain felt strangely empty.   
“I just wanted to grab some coffee,” Natasha said pointing at the machine behind Bucky who was leaning against the counter.  
“Oh. Yeah. Right,” he said stumbling out of the way, quietly cursing himself for his clumsiness while she poured herself a cup of coffee.   
They fell silent again, a strange atmosphere of tension building up until they both broke it simultaneously.  
“This –“  
“We –“  
They laughed.  
“You go first,” Bucky said.  
“This is awkward.”  
“It is!” Bucky agreed, relieved that she felt the same. “But why? We’ve been through so much together, and now it just feels strange when we’re alone. I don’t want it to be strange.”  
“Neither do I. Maybe we just need to get to know each other again.”  
“Maybe. So, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?”  
She smiled and for a second he could see the young girl from the past again. “I would love to.”


	2. Chapter 2

“This is so exciting,” Wanda beamed a few hours later as she sat on Natasha’s bed watching her friend getting ready for her dinner with Bucky. “Where do you think he’s taking you? Somewhere fancy? Or something more intimate? Will you go dancing afterwards or maybe to the movies? It’s nice and dark at the movies, you could do all sorts of things there.”  
“Oh stop it! Like I wasn’t nervous enough as it is!” Wanda laughed and Natasha turned back to her open closet in front of which she’d been standing for the past fifteen minutes now, still unable to decide which dress to wear. “This is our first real date and I want it to be perfect. So come on, Wanda, you’re the psychic, which dress would he like?”  
“You’re one of the most beautiful women I know and he likes you already, so I’m pretty sure that whatever you choose, he’ll love it.”  
“This is so not helping.”  
Again Wanda laughed, and after another thirty minutes, Natasha had finally put on a simple black sheath dress, high heels and subtle make-up, her dark red hair falling in waves over her shoulders.  
She had just finished the last touch, when there was a soft knock on the door and Bucky’s voice asking if she was ready.   
Trying to ignore her rapidly beating heart and Wanda’s teenager-like grin, Natasha went to open the door and almost audibly gasped for air when she saw Bucky standing outside. She had never seen him like this before: dressed in a dark suit that perfectly fitted his muscular built; his short brown hair fluffy in a way that made her want to run her fingers through it right then and there.  
The surprise she felt was mirrored in his steel-blue eyes as he took in her look. “You look absolutely stunning.”  
She felt her cheeks go hot and quickly grabbed her purse and a light summer jacket. “Thank you. You too.”  
“Shall we?”  
“Yes.”  
“Have fun!” Wanda called after them. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”  
Natasha laughed quietly while they walked to the elevator and apologised to Bucky. “You have to excuse her. She’s been acting like a teenager ever since she found out about our date.”  
“Oh, don’t worry. You should have seen Steve. I felt like my dad was preparing me for my prom.”  
Natasha smiled and felt part of her nervousness fade away. This was going to be a good night.


	3. Chapter 3

“I had no idea you were such a good dancer,” Natasha laughed when they had left the “Golden Mile” way after midnight. After a delicious meal, they had spent the rest of the evening talking and dancing, and as it was a beautiful summer night, they decided to walk home instead of taking a cab.  
“Oh, yes,” Bucky said. “Back in my day I’d spend pretty much every weekend at the dance hall.”  
“I bet you were quite a ladies’ man.”  
She saw him blush and smile slightly embarrassed. “Ah well … maybe one or two of them thought I wasn’t too bad.”  
Natasha smiled and felt a warm tingle go through her. God, she had missed him so much.   
For a while they walked in silence but it was no longer an awkward silence but the quiet understanding that they didn’t need words to understand each other.  
“Are you cold?” Bucky finally asked.  
Natasha was but she didn’t want to put an end to their walk, so she shook her head – but Bucky wasn’t fooled. “Yes, you are,” he said taking off his jacket and draping it over her shoulders. “You don’t have to be strong when you’re with me.”  
“I know.” She smiled again, realising that she hadn’t been that happy and relaxed in a long time, and when his warm hand took hers, she knew that their love still had a chance.  
They reached the Tower and entered the elevator. Without saying a word, Bucky pressed the button to the top floor where Natasha’s room was situated.   
“I really had a wonderful time tonight,” Natasha said looking up into his steel-blue eyes. “Thank you.”  
“You are more than welcome,” he replied almost in a whisper leaning in to her, his arms both sides of her head, her back against the cold elevator wall. A second later, their lips touched. Soft and exploring at first but quickly becoming more passionate and demanding. While his human hand pulled Natasha closer, Bucky slammed his metal hand on the stop button and the elevator came to a sudden halt. His jacket fell off her shoulders as he pressed her against the wall, his flesh hand now starting to push up her dress.  
“Easy, soldier,” Natasha breathed, her lips hardly leaving his. “I’m pretty sure Tony’s got cameras in here.”  
“I hate this modern-day technology,” he replied with a half-smile placing a kiss on her nose. “Let’s take this to your room then.”   
“Yes.”  
He reactivated the elevator and they silently continued their way to the top of the Tower.  
When they entered the top floor the lights flickered on automatically. Still kissing they made their way to Natasha’s room, stiffeling a laugh when they bumped into the door because Bucky wouldn’t let go of her and took a moment to blindly grobe for the door knob behind her.  
Inside her room, they didn’t make it to the bed. Overwhelmed by their longing that had been building up inside of them for years, Bucky picked her up easily, supporting her with his metal arm while she wrapped her legs around him, her fingers burried deep in his hair.   
“I can’t believe you’re actually back,” Natasha panted as she covered his face with kisses, shuddering under his touch, closing her eyes in pleasure when he entered her.  
They probably could be heard throughout the entire Tower but they couldn’t have cared less. It didn’t take long until Natasha felt a tight knot building in her core, her walls clenching around him as she came with a loud “oh god, James!” on her lips.   
He followed seconds later, holding her a little longer before gently letting her back down.   
For a moment they just stood there looking at each other. Then Natasha took his hand and led him to the bed. She unbuttoned his shirt and carefully traced the line where his metal arm was attached to his body.   
“Do you ever wonder what would have become of us if we had managed to escape back then?” she asked quietly, walking around him slowly, taking in the full beauty of his broad shoulders and chest.   
“I don’t know,” he replied, unzipping her dress, so it fell around her feet in a pool of black fabric. “I just wish that you wouldn’t have had to fight your way through life.” Looking into her eyes, he gently ran his thumb over a scar on her shoulder. “It kills me to know that you have been hurt and I wasn’t there to protect you.”  
She smiled softly. “It’s okay. These scars are now a part of me. I call them my souvenirs.”  
Not really reassured he lay her down on the bed and kissed the scar again. “Where is it from?”  
“This one is from Budapest. It’s when I met Clint for the first time.”  
“And this one?” His lips caressed a thin line on her side.  
“A mobster tried to slice me open.”  
Bucky growled quietly but he continued his expedition. “What about this one?” A scar the size of a coin next to her navel.  
“Do we really have to do this?”  
“Just that one.”  
“I really don’t –“  
“Natalia, who did this to you?”   
She looked at him for a few very long seconds, then she quietly said: “You did.”   
She saw all the colour drain from his face and his eyes widen in shock. “No.”  
“It wasn’t your fault! You didn’t know what you were doing.”  
“What exactly did I do?”  
“Please don’t do that to yourself, James. It’s been years. Hydra was controlling you and –“  
“Natalia!”  
She sighed, knowing that he wouldn’t let it go until she had told him the whole story. “It was during a mission in Iran. I was escorting a nuclear engineer when our tires got shot near Odessa. We lost control and went straight over a cliff. I pulled us out but … you were there. When I tried to cover the engineer, you shot him right through me.”  
“Oh god, no.”   
Natasha tried to put her hand on his shoulder but he pulled away, unable to bare her soft touch when right now he hated himself more than he had ever done before. “Did you know? Did you know it was me?”  
She avoided his gaze and nodded slowly. “Yes.”  
Bucky closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. He had known that he had murdered numerous people during his time as the Winter Soldier, most of them probably innocent. But finding that he had almost killed the love of his life was too much. “I should go.”  
“What? No!” She kneeled in front of him, taking his face in both her hands and forcing him to look her in the eyes. “Listen to me. Whatever you did during those years, it wasn’t your fault. It was Hydra. They messed with your head, they had complete control over you.”  
“I should have fought more. I never should have let them get into my head.”  
“You did fight! Don’t you remember when we tried to escape? Only after that they brainwashed you. You didn’t have a chance. Otherwise you would have died!”  
“Well, maybe I should have.”  
“Don’t you dare saying that again! You are a wonderful human being. You are not responsible for the past and now that you are back, my life is finally complete again. So don’t you take that from me.”  
He looked at her, a wave of overwhelming love flooding through him. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”  
Natasha smiled. “I don’t know. But you won’t be getting rid of me any time soon.”  
“I do hope so.” He pulled her close and lay down again. “Thank you. I love you so much.”  
“I love you too.”


End file.
